I spent the day at Sick Kids Hospital with my oldest and youngest child today.
They both have problems with their vision.
We've been coming here since Emma was 2.5.
These days are usually long for all of us and can be pretty emotional.
It's been a long journey with numerous prescriptions, eye patching, and surgery along the way. Today they told me that were running out of time.
That we really need to take eye patching seriously or it will be too late.
That if we don't act on it now, there will be no chance at improving my daughters vision.
I knew this going in.
They told me back when Emma was only a toddler that we had a limited time frame to correct her vision.
A million things held us back from successfully patching in the past.
I was alone 13 hours a day with 3 kids ages 4.5 and under, Emma was dealing with really bad anxiety and putting on the patch would send her into a panic attack, she would become aggressive and hysterical.
From ages two to five, everyday was a constant battle that revolved around this eye patch.
I wanted to spend my days having tea parties and dress up parties with my sweet girl, instead, I spent many days crying.
It felt like I was traumatizing my sweet girl, spending the majority of our days trying to hold her down so I could just put her eye patch on.
I knew that her future and the ability to see was all in my hands.
I had the power to make her better, but I was failing.
Looking back, those years were an absolute nightmare.
I couldn't be the mother I had dreamt of being when she was growing in my tummy.
She is older now though, and she finally understands how important it is.
She has seen a therapist for her anxiety and can understand better how to cope in these situations. After we left the Drs she started crying.
My heart was breaking and when I asked her if she was scared to patch she said
"No mommy, I'm scared not to patch, I want to be better, but you don't have time to help me with it." She continued to tell me that she was scared I would forget because I work a lot now and when I'm not working I'm working on my blog at home.
Heart shattered.
She was absolutely right.
I have been so busy focusing on trying to work as hard as I can for my family, that I was actually putting work before my role as mother.
What's that famous saying?
"The road to Hell is paved with good intention."
I was losing focus and today it really hit me.
I want my family to have the best things in life but all they want from me is my time.
Emma's vision is really low in her weak eye.
Like legally blind low.
So low that she can't patch at school or be left alone while she is patching.
She needs to wear the patch a minimum of two hours a day.
I took her to the dollar store after the appointment and we made a giant Bristol board chart with stickers and glitter and wrote our her new eye patch routine.
We made it as a visual reminder to both of us that 2 hours of every single day need to be spent helping her vision get better.
This may mean I need to pick up less shifts at work so that I can focus on Emma while my husband keeps our two other children busy.
It may mean I can't keep up on social media and my blog.
It may mean we need to decline invites if it disrupts eye patching time.
None of that matters though.
Health and Family are always always always number one and I really needed today to step back and shift priorities.
.UPDATE.
I wrote this post last month.
Since then, I have resigned from my job that I was working outside of the home so I could focus on family and just work on this blog from home when the kids are in school.
Emma has been patching successfully everyday and things are great!
My mama instincts were telling me that my kids needed me and I know I made the right decision.
