I just had an incredible day with our family.
We woke up early and ate birthday cake for breakfast to celebrate Luca turning 3, then went to our youngest daughters soccer game followed by a day at Wonderland.
All three of our children are sleeping soundly as I type this, exhausted from a great day, my husband is sitting next to me playing the guitar and everything seems so perfect.
Last night I cried, a lot.
Do you ever just have a big, unexpected cry and afterwards you realize you had that bottled up for so long and feel a weight lifted off your shoulders?
That's the kind of cry I had last night and it was refreshing.
It was just what I needed.
I cried last night because my baby boy would be Three in the morning and it hit me suddenly that my last baby, really wasn't a baby anymore.
I cried because just last week I said to my husband that I was so excited for Luca to get older so that life could get a little easier.
Then last night it hit me.
Time is going by so fast, and I find myself wishing it away more often than not lately.
I wrote a post about priorities last month, and shared how I left my job to be at home with my family and really focus on whats important.
I'm so happy with the decision I made to be a stay at home mom.
I know it was the right decision for our family but I find myself feeling overwhelmed very easily lately.
I don't remember feeling this overwhelmed when I was a new mom to our first daughter almost 8 years ago, or even after the birth of our second daughter 2 years after that.
I think it's because I feel this constant pressure to always be more this time around.
I'm almost embarrassed to say that I stay home with my kids when I'm asked what I do, when my whole life that's all I ever wanted.
I find that lately, I'm constantly comparing myself to others, on social media in particular.
I'm constantly trying to keep up with this Social Race and find myself not being present in the moments that matter the most.
The simple moments, like watching my daughters favourite TV show with her.
Instead of laughing along to the funny scenes, I'm scrolling through my Instagram Feed.
I'm physically there, but It's not enough.
These are the sort of things that lead me to feel overwhelmed.
Like no matter how hard I try I can't keep up.
I feel like I may have lost myself a bit this past year, in fear of not being accepted.
I'm wishing time away, because I feel this pressure to be more than who I am, based on what I see on Social Media.
I'm the first to admit that I'm very easily influenced.
I forgot about the girl who bought all her clothes at thrift shops, listened to mix tapes really loud, and couldn't care less what designer made her purse.
The mom who let her toddlers sleep in her bed, run barefoot at the park through the rain and dress in clothes that don't match.
I lost myself, because I'm afraid of what others might think.
I miss the simplicity there was just a short time ago, and I'm craving it.
I'm making life harder than it has to be, by trying to keep up and not being proud of who I am.
I love Social Media for many reasons.
Including wonderful friendships I have made, and for the inspiration it gives me to be a better person, mother, wife and friend.
I don't love the way I can get sucked into its negativity though.
I want to look back and remember giving all my focus and energy to my children, and not some screen.
"To make a mountain of your life is just a choice.
But I never learned enough to listen to the voice that told me.
Hate will get you every time.
Don't wait till the finish line"