It's the second day of school and the quiet I thought I desperately needed is way TOO quiet.
I miss the chaos.
The laughter, the stomping feet and even the yelling.
Even by kid number three, I find myself doing the drive by at recess just to make sure he's okay.
This isn't my first year being an Elementary School Empty Nester mama.
My youngest of three started Junior Kindergarten last September.
He was my busiest and most challenging kid, so when he started it was kind of a relief.
I did go through some sadness and almost a grieving period realising that a stage of my motherhood journey was behind me.
I kept myself busy by going to the gym and working on this blog, but I couldn't help but think "What is my purpose now?"
I've been a mom since the age of 19 and it is literally all I've ever known.
I've had some amazing jobs part time in between (working with adults with special needs and in a surgeons office) but my calling in life was to be a mama and now it suddenly felt like they hardly needed me.
I ended up picking up a part-time job over the Winter Holiday last year about the same time my youngest was having some behaviour troubles in school and around the same time he was diagnosed with ADHD.
I thought that it was irresponsible of me to be at home still while the kids were all in school.
As I was getting calls from the school, and missing out on important moments while I was working is when I realized, that even though all my babies are in school full-time, being at home as a stay at home mama, is where I'm meant to be - even if that looks a little different than it used to.
I have six hours a day to do the laundry, run errands, tackle home projects, work on my blog, make dinner, go to appointments, clean the house all without any interruptions, but I still don't have enough hours in the day before the kids get home.
I love being there for school drop offs and pick ups, field trips, PA days, sick days, March break, summer break etc.
I also volunteer on field trips and put my name in to volunteer inside the classroom this year.
I realize not all moms are able to stay at home or work from home, so everyone's days are going to look a little different when their baby starts school.
But I truly believe Kindergarten Empty Nester Syndrome is a thing - that has not been talked about enough - regardless of what you do.
You will go through stages of sadness, grief, anxiety, excitement, happiness and more.
I saw another mama in the school yard today dropping off her youngest at kindergarten and saw tears coming down her face and I knew exactly what she was going through.
I won't lie - I spent 80% of the day yesterday lying in bed feeling sad.
It didn't help that it's around my time of the month so I had a migraine, but when I dropped off the kids today and found myself doing the same thing - I knew I needed to hold myself accountable and force myself off the couch before I sank into a depression.
After all, every season of motherhood is beautiful and mama's it is so true what they say
"The days are long but the years are short"